East is East, West is West, two different colors on the map.

Three young people walk into a pizza place, two boys and a girl. They are fresh and lovely, and all three are foreign; even though the driver can’t really hear what they’re saying, their heavy accents are obvious. He is not sure where they are from, though there is an air of Southeastern Europe about them.  The driver’s opinion is that they are from somewhere in the Balkans, but they could be from anywhere.  They might even be Israeli.
They are at the cash register, talking to the cashier, trying to decide what to order for dinner. Wherever they’re from, they are apparently either Jews or Muslims, and are unable to eat pork. Their accent is charming if a bit obtuse, but their vocabulary is somewhat limited, and among the words they have not yet learned is “pork.” So they are going over the menu with the cashier, trying to ensure that they don’t accidentally order “pig meat.” The cashier is unable to understand them, however. His imagination is maybe a little too vivid, or his knowledge of foreign cultures might possibly be derived too much from comic books and Eli Roth movies. He hears “pig meat” as “Pygmy.”
So when they ask him, “Is this made from pig meat?” he tries to cover his horror with an affronted politeness.  “I’m sorry,” he responds, “but we don’t eat people in this country.”
 

Ex-PFC Wintergreen told Colonel Cargill that there was no record at 27th AFHQ of a T.S. Eliot

I’m listening to the audiobook version of Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. This is my book. It is, in my opinion, the finest American novel. It’s funny and insightful and disturbing and bizarre and mesmerizing and sorrowful, and while other novels can be those things too, no other has all of them at once, in such great profusion, coming at you in wave after wave. Reading the book is a brilliant and draining experience.
Things in the book happen fairly randomly. I mean, I say that and I know it’s not true…it took Heller 20 years to write it, and I’m sure quite a few of those years were spent organizing the incidents into their present order, which must have been a massive job. But they can sure seem random. For those who haven’t read the book, it jumps around crazily and apparently haphazardly between events, reporting them out of order, separated by arguments between the characters and flashbacks to events that happened, sometimes, decades before.
Also, things happen repeatedly. Incidents are introduced early in the book in brief outline form, then a few chapters later the book goes back to them with a little more detail, and then a few chapters later it does it again, and finally at the end of the book everything gets explained in full detail (the death of Snowden is the principal event that’s treated this way). I’m convinced that Quentin Tarantino based his editing of Pulp Fiction on the patterns in this book. I’ve read it easily a hundred times, and although I have a general sense of what came before what, I don’t believe I could sit down and write you a timeline showing the events of the book in chronological order. I’m not sure that Heller himself could do that.
So I report without shame that I listened to my new audiobook version of Catch-22 today for more than an hour before I realized that my iPod was set on random, and was playing the chapters out of order.

Idiots Rule

Oh, man, creationists piss me off.
It isn’t that they’re stupid. They are stupid, of course. Believing that the Earth is only six thousand years old is just plain stupid. To believe that, you have to believe that recorded history is older than the Earth. I’m serious: Sam Harris points out in his wonderful Letter to a Christian Nation that creationists believe that the Earth was created about a thousand years after the Sumerians invented glue. Square that one for me, would ya?
So, yeah, it’s stupid, but people are allowed to be stupid. Stupid isn’t against the law, generally speaking. The thing is, they want to make our kids stupid, too. And, see, that’s kind of a problem.
So, they’re debating whether or not to send Texas schoolchildren straight to hell (poor Texas schoolchildren…they’re always the test subjects in these ridiculous episodes) by teaching them evolution in the schools. You know, again. A court in Pennsylvania (yaaaaaaay, Pennsylvania!) just ruled that teaching creationism in the public schools was unconstitutional, seeing as how it’s really just fanatics trying to impose their religious beliefs onto scientific education. So Texas has had to start from scratch in their efforts to return to a Stone Age that they, of course, believe never existed.
Some moron named “Dr. McLeroy” who is the Chairman (yes, the Chairman, saints preserve us) of the school board was quoted as saying during the debate that he believes the Earth is only a few thousand years old. When it was pointed out to him that this belief is ludicrous (presumably in more polite language), he responded, “I believe a lot of incredible things. The most incredible thing I believe is the Christmas story. That little baby born in the manger was the god that created the universe.”
Leaving aside the temporal anomalies implied in that statement, he has a right to believe that if he wants. Personally, if it was me, I would have phrased that in a way that made me sound less like a nut, but hey, it’s his business. Note, however, that his religious beliefs clearly inform and justify his creationist beliefs. The juxtaposition of the young Earth and the Christmas story demonstrates that beyond any reasonable doubt.
And then, minutes later, he says, “My personal religious beliefs are going to make no difference in how well our students are going to learn science,” which perfectly contradicts what he’d said only moments before. This goes to show why this battle, although completely ridiculous, is also so important: obviously, a lack of understanding of scientific principles leads to certain cognitive disorders. It can cause an inability to speak logically, for example. It contributes to the erosion of the capacity for rational thought. The failure to understand that words actually mean something, and that when one bunch of words means the exact opposite of what another bunch of words means, they shouldn’t be used by the same person in the same conversation, there’s a good one.
I know that there’s a lot of crazy in Texas. They’ve got crazy piled up two feet deep from one end of the state to the other, and brothers and sisters, it’s a great big state. But how crazy does a state have to be to make someone like this the CHAIRMAN OF THE SCHOOL BOARD? This guy does not belong on a school board, or anywhere near any school, ever. Why can’t we at least agree on that?