I’m still adjusting to having to drive to work every day. I’m used to waking up at Time X, spending Time Y getting ready, and then leaving at Time Z. Everything has to happen a little earlier now. Only about five minutes earlier, but for a creature of habit like myself, those are five big minutes, and I’ve been late a couple of times since the move because of them.
I was a few minutes late today, but not because of this. No, today I left the house on time. Unfortunately, the streets were full of Ohio drivers this morning. I had to wait forever while the first one worked up the courage to turn left across Eighth Street. Then I got stuck behind one on Seventh Avenue, stridently driving five mph below an already unreasonably low speed limit. I cut over onto Sixth Avenue to get away from him, only to find a third Ohio driver waiting for me there, who managed to make us miss a makeable light at Sixteenth Street. Then there was a fourth ahead of me at the light on Twentieth Street and Fifth Avenue, who apparently either didn’t realize that the light had changed, or saw it but wasn’t sure what the significance of a green light where a red light had been moments before might be.
I try not to have too much hate in my heart, brothers and sisters, because it isn’t good for me; but I can’t not hate Ohio drivers. It is beyond my strength. Ohio drivers are the worst drivers in the whole country, and I say this as a person who has wide experience of driving styles from across our great nation.
I’ve been saying this for years, ever since I actually lived in Ohio in the late 90s. Some Ohio drivers are better than others, but even those are still just the best of a bad lot, and when they cross state lines they automatically become the worst drivers on the road. People from Ohio (especially men) tend to take offense when this fact is brought up, which I guess should surprise no one. Every man wants to believe that he’s a good driver, just like he wants to believe that he’s a competent lover, or that he has an engaging sense of humor. He continues to believe these things about himself in spite of mountains of evidence to the contrary. And since some of my readers are from Ohio, let me apologize for my frankness right now and offer some constructive criticism.
“Well, Rick,” you may be saying, “I’m from Ohio, but I would like to develop the skills required to not make other drivers crazy in neighboring states. I would like someday to be welcome in another state. Any other state, anywhere, ever. Can you give me some tips on areas I should be trying to improve?” Well, if you’ve got an Ohio driver’s license, then you have two principal problems while driving:
First, you do everything wrong.
Second, you do it verrrrrrrrry slowly.
But, the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem. Good luck! If there’s anything else I can do to help, just let me know.
I was a few minutes late today, but not because of this. No, today I left the house on time. Unfortunately, the streets were full of Ohio drivers this morning. I had to wait forever while the first one worked up the courage to turn left across Eighth Street. Then I got stuck behind one on Seventh Avenue, stridently driving five mph below an already unreasonably low speed limit. I cut over onto Sixth Avenue to get away from him, only to find a third Ohio driver waiting for me there, who managed to make us miss a makeable light at Sixteenth Street. Then there was a fourth ahead of me at the light on Twentieth Street and Fifth Avenue, who apparently either didn’t realize that the light had changed, or saw it but wasn’t sure what the significance of a green light where a red light had been moments before might be.
I try not to have too much hate in my heart, brothers and sisters, because it isn’t good for me; but I can’t not hate Ohio drivers. It is beyond my strength. Ohio drivers are the worst drivers in the whole country, and I say this as a person who has wide experience of driving styles from across our great nation.
I’ve been saying this for years, ever since I actually lived in Ohio in the late 90s. Some Ohio drivers are better than others, but even those are still just the best of a bad lot, and when they cross state lines they automatically become the worst drivers on the road. People from Ohio (especially men) tend to take offense when this fact is brought up, which I guess should surprise no one. Every man wants to believe that he’s a good driver, just like he wants to believe that he’s a competent lover, or that he has an engaging sense of humor. He continues to believe these things about himself in spite of mountains of evidence to the contrary. And since some of my readers are from Ohio, let me apologize for my frankness right now and offer some constructive criticism.
“Well, Rick,” you may be saying, “I’m from Ohio, but I would like to develop the skills required to not make other drivers crazy in neighboring states. I would like someday to be welcome in another state. Any other state, anywhere, ever. Can you give me some tips on areas I should be trying to improve?” Well, if you’ve got an Ohio driver’s license, then you have two principal problems while driving:
First, you do everything wrong.
Second, you do it verrrrrrrrry slowly.
But, the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem. Good luck! If there’s anything else I can do to help, just let me know.
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