Seven words. Seven Stresses. Seven Meanings.

I’ve just been told that there are seven different ways to interpret the sentence “I never said she stole my money,” depending on which of the seven words is stressed. I thought it would make an interesting late-night intellectual exercise:

I never said she stole my money—I never said that, but other folks did, and I’m not saying they’re wrong.

I never said she stole my money—I have not accused her, but I might at any time in the future, depending on how contrite she is and how much I’ve had to drink. However, if she accuses me of not trusting her, I have an out.

I never said she stole my money—I am too much of a gentleman to accuse her of this. I think she did, but I would never say it out loud in the presence of the press (this is off the record, right?).

I never said she stole my money—My money was totally stolen, but that doesn’t mean she stole it. Coulda been that ugly dude and his pet monkey.

I never said she stole my money—She might have been just borrowing it. This is a deeply personal problem within our relationship that we’re gonna have to discuss, preferably in the absence of police.

I never said she stole my money—Maybe she stole some money, but it was somebody else’s.

I never said she stole my money—She stole my heart, my soul, my drugs, and my love of living, but not my money.

Any alternate explanations out there? Let’s hear ‘em!